Your first Christmas and holiday season MARRIED! Mr & Mrs mugs filled with hot cocoa, setting up & decorating your Christmas tree, holiday parties, picking the perfect gifts and snuggling under a fuzzy blanket watching your Christmas favorites. There is something so magical about your first Christmas has husband and wife and all of the Christmas joy that comes with it!
Without planning and setting healthy boundaries in advance, your first Christmas married can easily become stressful, overwhelming and lead to fights brought on by exhaustion, frustration and unmet expectations.
Let me share a little bit about mine & my husband’s first few Christmases married…
2012— Married 4 months and we had waited to move in together until we got married, so THIS was our first Christmas together in our own place. I bought a janky $40 Christmas Tree from Big Lots, made Christmas gifts for all of our family members and pictured a romanticized Christmas morning together opening Christmas gifts together in our PJs, wanting to immediately start & create our OWN traditions that we would carry on for the rest of our marriage— no pressure, right?
Needless to say, this didn’t happen due to multiple family commitments across town, since we both come from divorced families and at the end of the night on Christmas night, we were both drained and felt like we hadn’t even had any quality time together.
We didn’t learn our lesson as the social butterflies we are, and the next couple years we tried to make it to any and all Christmas get togethers, parties and invites sent our way, leaving us feeling depleted, cranky & frustrated by the end of the night on Christmas. Still having spent little to no alone time together between all the hustle & bustle.
It wasn’t until year THREE of being married that we realized we needed to establish healthy boundaries for ourselves, our marriage and our Christmas together. We were leaving a family get together on Christmas Eve and were emotional as we realized we were already booked up for the next day with no time reserved for just us, because we didn’t want to hurt any family members’ feelings by saying “no” to an invitation. It was then that we established what would be OUR family Christmas tradition as a family of two. We bee-lined it to our favorite 24 Hour Korean BBQ place to spend time together, shared our hopes, desires & expectations for what Christmas would look like and be for us moving forward… Little did we know that random idea to go to a 24 Hour Korean BBQ place on Christmas Eve would become a tradition we would do every year! Moving forward we decided that Christmas morning was OUR’S! No rushing to get ready, no hurrying to a family member’s house in traffic. Without setting healthy boundaries for ourselves and with family, Christmas could have easily become something we dreaded or a topic that would lead to fights every year.
As you plan for your first holiday season together (or maybe second or third), I encourage you to set healthy boundaries for yourselves, your marriage and YOUR FAMILY as a family of two, so you two can still enjoy the season together— having things to look forward to for just you guys. Instead of running around town trying to make it to 2-4 Christmases (I see you, those with divorced parents) and wearing yourselves thin— establish those healthy boundaries now, so you can not only enjoy the season, but enjoy your families and each other. When you two said “I Do”, you officially became your own family unit, with each other’s parents, siblings and grandparents as an extension of your new family unit. Make time for those you love and that matter, but don’t forget your spouse in holiday planning and the family you two created when you said “I Do”.
Need some helpful ideas or tips for establishing healthy boundaries for your family and to avoid the Christmas hustle?
Pick a day and set time for you two to enjoy Christmas together alone, which could eventually be your day and tradition with kids in the future.
Talk to your families about your tradition as a new family unit and have each other’s backs when setting these new boundaries.
If you or your spouse are set on wanting to spend a specific day or time with your parents, find a compromise, so you two are both happy. Discuss what Christmas means for each of you and what traditions or moments you don’t want to miss out on.
Select specific days or times to spend with each other’s individual families without it conflicting with the day and time you two have chosen for you two.
If your parents’ or families are insistent on spending Christmas together on the same day— HOST AT YOUR PLACE! That way you can assure you get to spend time with everyone without it overshadowing the time you’ve chosen to celebrate just the two of you. (Extra tip: have each family member bring a pre-selected dish for dinner, so you aren’t stressed out slaving away in the kitchen— the opposite of what we’re trying to achieve by setting boundaries).
The goal is to remember the reason for the season and find time to celebrate as Husband & Wife, as your new family unit. Merry Christmas and may this be a year of new & exciting traditions for the two of you!